This post is part of a series for paid subscribers of Signal Strength, A five day writing challenge called Tuning into and Turning the Volume Down on Your Inner Critic. You can access the full series here:
Hi, hello to day two of our exploration - did you give your inner critic a name, yesterday?
I have a couple - one of them is Big Red. This is what he looks like on a good day:
He is a big guy but also a little guy. He’s a little kid and has the personality of a toddler, so when he’s laughing, truly, the whole world laughs with him.
Other days, he wraps his hairy red arms around my neck and holds on like a drowning person.
On those days, I’m convinced something terrible is about to happen. I’m probably going to get fired, or suddenly lose my house, or someone is going to hit me with the car. SOMETHING.
He hangs out with a friend I call Kuato. This is him:
Kuato is the one who whispers in my ear that I should give up because I’m bad at stuff.
They work in tandem. My worrier and my not good enough BFFs.
When they’re loud it can be hard to get enough space to find myself in there.
The thing is, both Big Red and Kuato are babies. I mean, look at Kuato, he’s ugly but he’s baby! They’re scared babies and when I can get them to disentangle from my spinal cord (they hang out there), I can give them some tender loving care and suggest they take a nap.
Right now, maybe you’re squinting at the screen because you think I’m nuts - but I have a whole graduate degree and years of experience as a therapist and what I’m doing here is called parts work. And it can be transformational. Especially when you’re working on your most critical parts.
And here’s the thing — they didn’t come from nowhere. The inner critic almost always speaks in someone else’s voice.